Blog #2: I Do All My Own Stunts
For Stacey, wherever you are
I recently revisited the album ‘Stunts’ by Rademacher (released Dec 2007), and was transported back to the age of 17. The CD was in my car and played hundreds, if not thousands, of times throughout those final years of high school. Rademacher was among my favorite “local” bands (Fresno, an hour away from me). Frontman Malcolm Sosa was a God in my eyes. He was who I wished I could be, and he wrote the songs that I wish I could write. ‘Stunts’ represented all that was possible out of my little, humble hometown of Visalia, CA. If this guy could make such magic in Fresno, CA, why couldn’t I follow the same blueprint? The sky was the limit, and I was confident that I would soon craft my own record and be off to the races.
However, I never did. Today, at 34, this listen is a little bittersweet. It sounds just as good and inspiring as it did in my teenage years, but now comes with the realization that some dreams never do come to fruition. Even more importantly, it reminds me of my friend Stacey, whom I hadn’t thought about in years. I loaned her this CD one evening, and to be honest, I’m not sure if I ever got it back. We were never romantic, but there was a time when, like my confidence in becoming a rock star, I thought we would surely date. The feelings were there, but as an awkward teenager who hadn’t even had his first kiss yet, nothing ever developed. This is probably for the best, as my memories are mostly sweet and just on the cusp of something more.
Unfortunately, the last I heard, she had fallen into heavy drug use and vanished from my life completely. I hope they were just small-town rumors. I know she lived part-time in Iowa with her dad, so perhaps she simply moved there permanently without having the chance to say a proper goodbye.
Wherever you are, Stacey, I hope you’re happy and healthy. Perhaps you’ll pull this CD from a box in your closet one day and be transported back to where I am right now - simpler times when the world still felt full of endless possibilities.
What Yr Used To Back At Home
You think you got control
But it is not something you know
You’re on a roller coaster
You’re on some great big ocean
and it is not something you know
not like what you’re used to back at home
It’s got a mind of its own
You’re all grown up now
all moved away
And yesterday is not like today
It’s got a mind of its own
